I was riveted to Oprah’s interview yesterday with Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of the philandering former U.S. presidential candidate John Edwards.
First of all, the passages Oprah read from Edwards’s new book Resilience, apparently written without a ghostwriter, showed a flair for beautiful, engaging prose. That was unexpected.
What didn’t surprise me at all, though, was Mrs. Edwards the person. Living with terminal cancer, not knowing if she has a year or ten years to live, she held up her reputation as a woman to admire. She was so engaging a defender of her marriage that she convinced even an unforgiving gal like me: No matter how horrible her husband’s lies and deceptions, their life together, their 30-year bond, was worth saving.
Mrs. Edwards was physically ill when her husband confessed a dalliance to her, she revealed to Oprah. She was enraged with him, even more so 18 months later when he admitted he lied about the duration of his infidelity. But it was when she said she wanted to “protect him” that I understood. That’s what we do for the people we love.
There was only one condition for the interview: The name of Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’s mistress and allegedly the mother of his child, would not be spoken. Instead, Mrs. Edwards used the words “that person” or “this woman” so that Hunter, who has been described as a fame-seeker of shameless proportions, would not get any more notoriety from the affair. And rightly so.
Oprah asked excellent questions; Mrs. Edwards was calm but direct, peaking in intensity only once when she said “You can’t just knock on the door, say ‘You’re out, I’m in. How ’bout your husband, honey?’… There’s no excuse for women to do this.”
Meanwhile her husband squirmed away from the camera only to have Oprah grab him in his expansive home gymnasium to ask about the solidity of their marriage. Replying with some uncertainty, he looked like we women wanted him to look: entirely uncomfortable, wholly ashamed and very much aware that his own actions had brought him to that point no person wants to experience. Were it not for the devotion and compassion of his wife, the Edwards marriage and family would have crumbled alongside his once-shining career.
2 Responses to “ Elizabeth Edwards’s Resilience ”
Yes, protecting people is what we do for people we love. We do not write books about their failings. We do not increase their public humiliation. We do not ensure that their career will be next to impossible to pursue at some future date.
I am sorry that Elizabeth Edwards was so hurt by her husband’s infidelity. However, I think her book represents not resilience but rather revenge.
And as for her comments that this woman is not part of her life, I find that quite an amazing comment from someone who holds family so dear. If the baby is her husband’s birth child, then he owes that innocent child not only child support but decent fathering. There has been much discussion in America of the negative effect of absentee fathers. If Ms Edwards were truly resilient, she would ensure that her husband met his obligations to all his children. She is an adult and her comfort should be secondary to the rights and well-being of the innocent child.
Have I walked in Ms Edwards shoes? Yes, I have. Did I act as she did, no I did not.
By Carolann Grover, Toronto on May 11, 2009
I really truly believe that John Edwards does
not deserve this Lady. Glad he has finally
admitted this is his child and even happier he
will support this child, but how does he look
himself in the mirror. What made him come out
and admit this, and I mean really what made him
admit this. It wasn’t his outstanding values etc. Ms. Edwards is having the struggle of her life what a horrible feeling to have on top of
all the other horrible feelings. God Bless you
Ms. Edwards.
By Heather T on Jan 21, 2010