Jun
19
Anne Kingston, one of my favourite columnists, has a charming and still insightful piece in this week’s Macleans on, well, “marrying up.”
She’s reacting to a new book, Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream—and How They’re Paying for It, by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake.
The argument of Ford and Drake’s book is pretty much summed up in the title, but Kingston doesn’t offer a mere snarky takedown; instead, she provides a thoughtful meditation:
“Skim more deeply—through the real-life anecdotes and beyond lines like “Mr. Rich can be Mr. Right”—and it’s apparent this isn’t a 21st-century How to Marry a Millionaire. Rather, Ford, a 41-year-old Emmy-winning television producer divorced from Harrison Ford’s son, and Drake, a 44-year-old medical doctor with an M.B.A. from Stanford who has been divorced and is remarried, adopt a satiric tone to deliver a surprisingly subversive self-help manifesto: imagine, if you can, Dorothy Parker writing for Cosmo. Many of their observations have been well-aired, to wit—women have a shelf life in terms of fertility and attractiveness; taking time out to raise children reduces women’s workplace value; women have more difficulty bouncing back from divorce. And even after decades of women graduating from professional schools in greater numbers than men, men remain the power players.”
Ten years ago, I think I would have rolled my eyes at this kind of advice. Now, I’m not so sure. Who wants to marry someone insolvent? Still, it’s hard enough getting a date, period, without having to get an audit of their latest financial statements, first.
What do you think? Should money trump love when it comes to marriage?
6 Responses to “ Marrying money ”
Love may not conquer all but it certainly helps. Marriage to a rich man whom you grow to despise is eventually going to give you ulcers. The happiest married couple I knew was my Auntie Liz whose second husband was named Dick, and who was 16 years younger than she. They treated each other with such continual consideration and joy that it was a pleasure to be in their company … and through all their 40 years of happy marriage they were as poor as church mice. My own marriage of 43 years ended when I finally forced myself to acknowledge that my husband didn’t love me and that he probably never had — that his “great passion” had been nothing more than sexual attraction, which is a very inferior substitute. Give me true love every time!
By Jancis M. Andrews on Jun 21, 2009
My dad told me once; if all else fails marry for money. Although my parents are very happily married and have been for 37 years and by no means has it been a smooth ride financially.
As I think about this I consider that so many cultures marry based on what is offered, is a dowry not the same as marrying for money?
Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a nice cottage if you need some space.
By Stephanie on Jul 14, 2009
I actually can’t believe this question was asked but here is my response:
Sure money makes the world go round and can buy lots of needs and wants but isn’t the point of marriage to be with the one you can’t live without for a lifetime. Till death do you part, or until the bank account runs dry? There is no guarantee on money, the person you married ‘because they had money’ may not have that money in 5, 10, 20 years and then what, another divorce to join the over 50% of the world whose marriage didn’t make it? Marriage is about commitment and sharing your life to create a family. If you are worried about the fact that your partner isn’t making enough or that you will be the main source of income then you should not be in a relationship with that person. Love should be the most important reason people decide to share their lives together and if it isn’t then DON’T GET MARRIED!! Marriage is not the answer to loneliness. True love and acceptance of yourself and whomever you decide to share your life with are. There is a word for people who give up happiness and sex for money they are called pr******tes!!! Women will never be considered to be powerful or smart when we are still selling ourselves and our hearts for money.
By Jewel on Jul 20, 2009
I, too, can’t believe that this question is being asked. I was married to someone who made good money but didn’t love me. I am about to marry someone at the beginning of his career who has no money but he loves me. Easy answer – you marry someone because you both love each other. To do anything different will lead to unhappiness. The loneliest place is an unhappy marriage.
And hey – here is an idea for women who want a stable financial future – make money, save and be frugal. In the end, the sense of pride you will feel within yourself is something money ( or a man) can’t buy.
By Leanne on Aug 16, 2009
My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last month. They always argued and worked all their lives. On retirement one has alzheimer disease and the other a bum leg. They still argue and the old school of marriage of to death do us part rings true. I married a man I loved with no money. We were young. Now 20 years later we are poor lost our house and have always struggled. Not having money is putting a big strain in our marriage to a breaking point. I do still love him but wished of a stable lifestyle. I cannot see myself with anyone else than him but still not happy financially.
I guess love is better. It would be great if we had both!
By reanna on Aug 18, 2009
A woman who knows how to make her own money starts off with an advantage in the game of choosing a life mate. She won’t have to worry about having to depend on a man for her financial wellbeing. Ladies, making your own money gives you power! Finding a man who knows how to take care of himself financially seems to me to be a given. Put the two together, add love and you have the basis for something wonderful.Yes,you may have financial setbacks and so on, but there is always a way to create prosperity as long as you believe in yourself and eachother.
I would like to see every young woman and man learn the basics of entrepreneurship in school. Depending on someone else for your financial wellbeing is not a smart way to live.
By Barbara on Sep 22, 2009